My Circumstances

Philippians 1:12
Now I want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the Gospel.

There I was, just reading on along in my Bible, when what would you know...God decided to write one of those verses. You know, that verse that you have read 1,000 times before and never before has it arrested your reading, but today it does and you realize, with hope and dread mingled together, that you will need to begin the process of changing. So it begins.

My life has gone through a lot of change in the last 12 months. Let's see...in the last 365 days, I have moved 4 times, and over 20,000 miles. I have gone from a six figure job to a zero figure job to a negative figure student. 365 days ago I thought that I would be getting married and now I am very single. I went from having all the freedom in the world to pursue my dreams, to being a caretaker for my aging parents and moving back home. And I haven't even begun talk about how all these changes affected me on the inside....

I've ceased trying to figure out why my life has changed so much. In the end, it doesn't matter. When I first came home from Africa, it was hard being here. I didn't have any friends in New York and to be honest, I didn't really fit in ( I still don't). Seems I missed the memo that said in order to be "normal" in upstate New York, you need to be married by 21 and have at least 4 kids by 30. Being 31, I calculated I was so far behind in the races that they might close the course before I finished.

I have to admit that I began feeling like life wasn't fair. Why me? Why can't I just have a good life again? Life just wasn't seeming to be my friend and ErinStacy was not too happy about that.

Through the last three months, even though I haven't been "happy" with my situation, I've been content. I think that contentedness comes from standing on the Rock. At times I feel like I am surrounded by an ocean of water and I have only this Rock to stand on. But I stand on it because I know it is the only thing that will keep me afloat until the waters recede.

So, back to the verse. Here I am, reading along, and Phil 1:12 hits. Such a simple verse with such simple ramifications for me. Paul is in prison. I've never been in prison, but I've seen movies and read enough books to know it is no posh place. He's being tortured and persecuted because he is a follower of Christ. He is given a piece of paper to write a note to the saints in Philipi and what does he write?

Well, what would I write. I think it would sound like this "Greetings people. While you sit in Philipi enjoying your life, and thinking that God is great and all, I am being abused and punished. I don't understand because I am such a better saint that you are (Mr. Y, weren't you just drunk last weekend?) and yet I am the one who has to go through all this. Where is the justice in this?" I think you get the point.

No, he writes that his circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the Gospel.

Humbling for me. It made me think. Can I say this of my circumstances? Do I believe that the circumstances that God has put in my life are for the greater progress of the Gospel? Am I making them to be such or am I refusing to be a fruitful laborer?

Change is necessary and has begun.