Just arrived home from spending the weekend with Nina. God sure knows how to bless us when He puts people in our lives. I truly love my best friend. I know, we ALL love our best friends but I mean my soul loves her and is very thankful for her presence in my life. She's that sister that I never had, but more.
I think what I appreciated the most this weekend was her generosity. In everything she does, she is generous. The meals she prepares for me, the random gifts she picks up, the flowers in my room. She is just a wonderful example of what generosity is meant to look like.
Another thing that I value so much about being with her is how she has helped me embrace my freedom as a single woman again. After being in a relationship for over a year with a man who was very conservative with spending and conscious of every dime that was spent and not at all happy if I wore anything that did not resemble a potato sack because it might be too revealing, I was not only able to go shopping and buy clothes, but I was able to get dressed up, put on heels and make-up and buy some clothes that allow me to show off those curves that our Heavenly Father gave us. Girls, I'm not saying reveal it all. I'm not even suggesting to reveal a thing but embrace that body that God gave you. I've loved being able to shop again and go out to dinner and order anything that my heart desires on the menu. Anything! Steak! Wine! Dessert! And guess what? It doesn't have to be from the Happy hour menu only! Nina really helped me get over this hurdle this weekend and I feel so darn good.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Let my face shine
For the last 10 days, my church has had the thrilling opportunity to go through a Revival. We had the blessing of having Roy Fields of Run with Fire Ministries come to Kingston and serve the Lord through ministering to our congregation as well as the greater area.
The journey through Revival has been, and continues to be, almost impossible to scribe. But then again, aren't emotions and faith almost always? What words exist in our language to fully capture the glory of God and the way the Holy Spirit works?
As the team prepared to leave on Sunday and the Revival was wrapping up, there was a deep sense of sadness and uncertainty. Some I spoke to even said that in their spirits, they didn't feel it was time for him to leave. Comments like that make me stop and think. Roy's departure also comes at a time when our Pastor leaves for India for two weeks. The theme that I was picking up from so many was this: how can they leave us know? How can they leave us after this mountain top experience? What will happen to us? What are we to do?
Exodus 34:29 "It came about when Moses was coming down from Mount Sinai ...that Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because of his speaking with Him."
Exodus 34:35 "the sons of Israel would see the face of Moses, that the skin of Moses' face shone. "
The story of Moses on the mountain top came to mind. After being in the presence of God on Mt. Sinai and receiving instruction from the Lord, Moses then came down from Mt. Sinai to deliver the Lord's instructions to the Israelites. However, Moses didn't know at the time that his face shone so brightly that it would cause him to wear a veil as to not blind the Israelites.
The answer to the questions lie in this simple passage. We are not called to live on the mountain top. We are called to live in the valley. The mountain top is only the time that we stand in the presence of God; the time that God Himself touches us. We receive in such a way from God in those precious times that they fill our spirit and our soul.
However, just as Moses, we are to descend from the mountain top and, with faces shining from the presence of God, be a light and a reflection of the glory of God. After all, if Moses had remained on the mountain, what would have happened to the Israelites?
So, embrace the time on the mountain but know that there is a time to be in the valley as well. What will happen now that Roy has gone and Vaughan has left? Nothing. They weren't the ones who touched my heart, it was the Holy Spirit and He never leaves me.
The journey through Revival has been, and continues to be, almost impossible to scribe. But then again, aren't emotions and faith almost always? What words exist in our language to fully capture the glory of God and the way the Holy Spirit works?
As the team prepared to leave on Sunday and the Revival was wrapping up, there was a deep sense of sadness and uncertainty. Some I spoke to even said that in their spirits, they didn't feel it was time for him to leave. Comments like that make me stop and think. Roy's departure also comes at a time when our Pastor leaves for India for two weeks. The theme that I was picking up from so many was this: how can they leave us know? How can they leave us after this mountain top experience? What will happen to us? What are we to do?
Exodus 34:29 "It came about when Moses was coming down from Mount Sinai ...that Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because of his speaking with Him."
Exodus 34:35 "the sons of Israel would see the face of Moses, that the skin of Moses' face shone. "
The story of Moses on the mountain top came to mind. After being in the presence of God on Mt. Sinai and receiving instruction from the Lord, Moses then came down from Mt. Sinai to deliver the Lord's instructions to the Israelites. However, Moses didn't know at the time that his face shone so brightly that it would cause him to wear a veil as to not blind the Israelites.
The answer to the questions lie in this simple passage. We are not called to live on the mountain top. We are called to live in the valley. The mountain top is only the time that we stand in the presence of God; the time that God Himself touches us. We receive in such a way from God in those precious times that they fill our spirit and our soul.
However, just as Moses, we are to descend from the mountain top and, with faces shining from the presence of God, be a light and a reflection of the glory of God. After all, if Moses had remained on the mountain, what would have happened to the Israelites?
So, embrace the time on the mountain but know that there is a time to be in the valley as well. What will happen now that Roy has gone and Vaughan has left? Nothing. They weren't the ones who touched my heart, it was the Holy Spirit and He never leaves me.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Fruitful Labor
As I continue on along in my journey through the book of Philippians, many old verses are brought to me new. Words that I have read hundreds of times suddenly appear fresh and vibrant, and new meaning rings to them.
Philippians 1:22 "...this will mean fruitful labor for me..."
Hmm...fruitful labor. Not just labor; fruitful labor. I never saw the word fruitful before. I've always focused my attention on laboring for the kingdom but have never stopped to evaluate if what I am doing for the kingdom is fruitful.
Over the last decade, I've been able to build quite a nice resume of labor that I have done for the kingdom. Let's see...we've got the hospitality team at Cafe in Boston, Membership Committee at Park Street...oh and there is also leading small groups and helping out once a month at the breakfast. And how could I forget about the Greeting Team at Soma? Or about my missions work with SBC? I am sure I am not alone in being able to list all sorts of work that I have done for the kingdom. But my question is this: how much of this labor was fruitful? What activities did I do that really sowed into the harvest for the Kingdom? Interestingly, my resume becomes quite condensed. It's reduced to a handful of dedicated activities where my soul was invested in individuals and the deposits were made into Heaven.
So, I come to this point. What am I doing now for God that will yield not just a harvest, but a fruitful, abundant crop that will bring forth seed for the next harvest and the harvest after that?
Philippians 1:22 "...this will mean fruitful labor for me..."
Hmm...fruitful labor. Not just labor; fruitful labor. I never saw the word fruitful before. I've always focused my attention on laboring for the kingdom but have never stopped to evaluate if what I am doing for the kingdom is fruitful.
Over the last decade, I've been able to build quite a nice resume of labor that I have done for the kingdom. Let's see...we've got the hospitality team at Cafe in Boston, Membership Committee at Park Street...oh and there is also leading small groups and helping out once a month at the breakfast. And how could I forget about the Greeting Team at Soma? Or about my missions work with SBC? I am sure I am not alone in being able to list all sorts of work that I have done for the kingdom. But my question is this: how much of this labor was fruitful? What activities did I do that really sowed into the harvest for the Kingdom? Interestingly, my resume becomes quite condensed. It's reduced to a handful of dedicated activities where my soul was invested in individuals and the deposits were made into Heaven.
So, I come to this point. What am I doing now for God that will yield not just a harvest, but a fruitful, abundant crop that will bring forth seed for the next harvest and the harvest after that?
Friday, February 6, 2009
Selfish motives
I use to like the book Philippians. Well, that was until the Holy Spirit really began to get at me through the verses it contains.
If someone were to ask me, "ErinStacy, do you think you are selfish?", I would say a little bit, but not too much. Well, as I learned today, a little bit is just a little bit too much.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit; but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.
There is was...do nothing from selfishness....
Self-examination. Do I do things that are selfishly motivated. Yes, all the time. I really feel the Spirit moving in me to put the concerns and desires of others above me. Look out for the personal interests of others, not just myself.
What does that look like for me? Well, when I see that Mom needs to have her bed made, or Dad needs to have someone take the trash out, doing these things before I even have to be asked. Or, when I am asked, even if it is an "inconvenience" for me, doing it with a good attitude with the realization that 1 minute out of my day really is not a sacrifice.
I'm trying to focus on this each day.
If someone were to ask me, "ErinStacy, do you think you are selfish?", I would say a little bit, but not too much. Well, as I learned today, a little bit is just a little bit too much.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit; but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.
There is was...do nothing from selfishness....
Self-examination. Do I do things that are selfishly motivated. Yes, all the time. I really feel the Spirit moving in me to put the concerns and desires of others above me. Look out for the personal interests of others, not just myself.
What does that look like for me? Well, when I see that Mom needs to have her bed made, or Dad needs to have someone take the trash out, doing these things before I even have to be asked. Or, when I am asked, even if it is an "inconvenience" for me, doing it with a good attitude with the realization that 1 minute out of my day really is not a sacrifice.
I'm trying to focus on this each day.
My Circumstances
Philippians 1:12
Now I want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the Gospel.
There I was, just reading on along in my Bible, when what would you know...God decided to write one of those verses. You know, that verse that you have read 1,000 times before and never before has it arrested your reading, but today it does and you realize, with hope and dread mingled together, that you will need to begin the process of changing. So it begins.
My life has gone through a lot of change in the last 12 months. Let's see...in the last 365 days, I have moved 4 times, and over 20,000 miles. I have gone from a six figure job to a zero figure job to a negative figure student. 365 days ago I thought that I would be getting married and now I am very single. I went from having all the freedom in the world to pursue my dreams, to being a caretaker for my aging parents and moving back home. And I haven't even begun talk about how all these changes affected me on the inside....
I've ceased trying to figure out why my life has changed so much. In the end, it doesn't matter. When I first came home from Africa, it was hard being here. I didn't have any friends in New York and to be honest, I didn't really fit in ( I still don't). Seems I missed the memo that said in order to be "normal" in upstate New York, you need to be married by 21 and have at least 4 kids by 30. Being 31, I calculated I was so far behind in the races that they might close the course before I finished.
I have to admit that I began feeling like life wasn't fair. Why me? Why can't I just have a good life again? Life just wasn't seeming to be my friend and ErinStacy was not too happy about that.
Through the last three months, even though I haven't been "happy" with my situation, I've been content. I think that contentedness comes from standing on the Rock. At times I feel like I am surrounded by an ocean of water and I have only this Rock to stand on. But I stand on it because I know it is the only thing that will keep me afloat until the waters recede.
So, back to the verse. Here I am, reading along, and Phil 1:12 hits. Such a simple verse with such simple ramifications for me. Paul is in prison. I've never been in prison, but I've seen movies and read enough books to know it is no posh place. He's being tortured and persecuted because he is a follower of Christ. He is given a piece of paper to write a note to the saints in Philipi and what does he write?
Well, what would I write. I think it would sound like this "Greetings people. While you sit in Philipi enjoying your life, and thinking that God is great and all, I am being abused and punished. I don't understand because I am such a better saint that you are (Mr. Y, weren't you just drunk last weekend?) and yet I am the one who has to go through all this. Where is the justice in this?" I think you get the point.
No, he writes that his circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the Gospel.
Humbling for me. It made me think. Can I say this of my circumstances? Do I believe that the circumstances that God has put in my life are for the greater progress of the Gospel? Am I making them to be such or am I refusing to be a fruitful laborer?
Change is necessary and has begun.
Now I want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the Gospel.
There I was, just reading on along in my Bible, when what would you know...God decided to write one of those verses. You know, that verse that you have read 1,000 times before and never before has it arrested your reading, but today it does and you realize, with hope and dread mingled together, that you will need to begin the process of changing. So it begins.
My life has gone through a lot of change in the last 12 months. Let's see...in the last 365 days, I have moved 4 times, and over 20,000 miles. I have gone from a six figure job to a zero figure job to a negative figure student. 365 days ago I thought that I would be getting married and now I am very single. I went from having all the freedom in the world to pursue my dreams, to being a caretaker for my aging parents and moving back home. And I haven't even begun talk about how all these changes affected me on the inside....
I've ceased trying to figure out why my life has changed so much. In the end, it doesn't matter. When I first came home from Africa, it was hard being here. I didn't have any friends in New York and to be honest, I didn't really fit in ( I still don't). Seems I missed the memo that said in order to be "normal" in upstate New York, you need to be married by 21 and have at least 4 kids by 30. Being 31, I calculated I was so far behind in the races that they might close the course before I finished.
I have to admit that I began feeling like life wasn't fair. Why me? Why can't I just have a good life again? Life just wasn't seeming to be my friend and ErinStacy was not too happy about that.
Through the last three months, even though I haven't been "happy" with my situation, I've been content. I think that contentedness comes from standing on the Rock. At times I feel like I am surrounded by an ocean of water and I have only this Rock to stand on. But I stand on it because I know it is the only thing that will keep me afloat until the waters recede.
So, back to the verse. Here I am, reading along, and Phil 1:12 hits. Such a simple verse with such simple ramifications for me. Paul is in prison. I've never been in prison, but I've seen movies and read enough books to know it is no posh place. He's being tortured and persecuted because he is a follower of Christ. He is given a piece of paper to write a note to the saints in Philipi and what does he write?
Well, what would I write. I think it would sound like this "Greetings people. While you sit in Philipi enjoying your life, and thinking that God is great and all, I am being abused and punished. I don't understand because I am such a better saint that you are (Mr. Y, weren't you just drunk last weekend?) and yet I am the one who has to go through all this. Where is the justice in this?" I think you get the point.
No, he writes that his circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the Gospel.
Humbling for me. It made me think. Can I say this of my circumstances? Do I believe that the circumstances that God has put in my life are for the greater progress of the Gospel? Am I making them to be such or am I refusing to be a fruitful laborer?
Change is necessary and has begun.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Thoughts on the guards
Earlier this week, while reading my Bible out on the porch, on of the scriptures really came alive to me.
I was reading Mark 13:32-35. "...Therefore keep watch because you do no know when the owner of the house will come back--whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you I say to everyone: Watch!"
We have guards who watch our home: day and night, everyday. Part of the guards job is to make sure that ErinStacy comes and goes safely. They are to open the gate when I come home at night as well as let me out in the morning. They often have no idea when I will be coming or going, so they need to keep watch and be ready when my car pulls up to open the gates wide and let me in.
Last week, we just got a new set of guards. The old guards were always sleeping when I left in the morning and several times, we not there in the afternoon when I came home (one time, they fell asleep and I had to climb over the wall which is about 8 ft high and wake them up!). Needless to say, they were never ready when I came home. The consequence for not being prepared was the loss of their jobs.
The new guards are great. I even tried to surprise them this morning when I left at 5:45am to go to the gym. I didn't turn the lights on so they didn't know I was coming. I walked out the door and they were awake, ready to open the gates.
This was a real life example of the verses above and really impressed upon me the need to be constantly ready and alert for His return.
I was reading Mark 13:32-35. "...Therefore keep watch because you do no know when the owner of the house will come back--whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. What I say to you I say to everyone: Watch!"
We have guards who watch our home: day and night, everyday. Part of the guards job is to make sure that ErinStacy comes and goes safely. They are to open the gate when I come home at night as well as let me out in the morning. They often have no idea when I will be coming or going, so they need to keep watch and be ready when my car pulls up to open the gates wide and let me in.
Last week, we just got a new set of guards. The old guards were always sleeping when I left in the morning and several times, we not there in the afternoon when I came home (one time, they fell asleep and I had to climb over the wall which is about 8 ft high and wake them up!). Needless to say, they were never ready when I came home. The consequence for not being prepared was the loss of their jobs.
The new guards are great. I even tried to surprise them this morning when I left at 5:45am to go to the gym. I didn't turn the lights on so they didn't know I was coming. I walked out the door and they were awake, ready to open the gates.
This was a real life example of the verses above and really impressed upon me the need to be constantly ready and alert for His return.
Monday, August 18, 2008
The story of Ludi
As so many of you have asked me in the last two weeks "What happened with Ludi?", I thought that it would be wonderful to share her story with you, or at least, the part that had been unfolding in front of my eyes.
I first met Ludi 8 weeks ago. Pam and Brant, a wonderful couple from The Vineyard here in Arusha, had decided to host a small group. One of the ladies that they asked to join was a Philippino woman who had lived in Tanzania for the last 15 years. Her name was Ludi.
That first night at Small Group, Ludi shared many things with us. She shared about the hardships that she was going through, both emotionally and physically, here and in the Philippines. As far as we knew, Ludi was not a believer.
One of the hardships she was encountering was financial. Most of her family is back in the Philippines and she is their primary support. From what she earns as a seamstress, much of the profit is sent back home. Work had been a bit slow for her and she needed prayer to find more work.
The thought came to me that maybe, somehow, I would be able to tie her into some of the work that I was going to be doing here. I knew that the mission statement for Imara was to "strengthen the body of the church in Tanzania". Here was this woman in my small group that certainly needed strengthening.
To make a long, wonderful story a bit shorter, I'll just give you some highlights.
Ludi now has "almost more business than I can handle" and her monthly income has almost quadrupled. She was able to afford the necessary visa to have her sister come and work with her here in Tanzania.
Three weeks ago at Small Group, Ludi broke down in tears, telling us that she has never known a God like this. She has never known people who would pray for her, love her, encourage her and want to be her friend.
Two weeks ago, Ludi began coming to The Vineyard Church to hear the message. At small group, she is so eager to learn more and more about this God.
Last week, Ludi took her first communion. Throughout this, she is a new person. You can feel a joy in her that was not there before. Her sister, Shaunie, is also coming to small group. She's asking more questions. There is a well of deep hurt there as well.
The Story of Ludi has been a tremendous encouragement to me. Let me explain. I came to Africa to spend some time with God, not to "save lives". I have no ability what-so-ever to save a single persons life. That responsibility falls entirely to the Holy Spirit and God. My desire in coming here was to learn to love God with all my heart. Whatever service I then did for God, however He decided to use me, was a result of that love and that desire to pursue Him earnestly.
Seeing how God uses those who seek Him to bring others to Him, is an amazing sight. Ludi wasn't about thumping a Bible on someones head or preaching or quoting scripture to someone. God used me, God used Pam and Brant, God used the others in our group, to show her a love that she had never seen before in humans. A love that she can only see through the eyes of those who love the Lord because it is a love that we, as mere humans, are completely incapable of having. It's God's love and comes to us through the indwelling of the Spirit (got a bit spiritual there for a minute, so bear with me those of you who follow a different path in life).
It has been such a blessing to watch this process. I love being the conduit through which God works. Sure hope He will use me more.
I first met Ludi 8 weeks ago. Pam and Brant, a wonderful couple from The Vineyard here in Arusha, had decided to host a small group. One of the ladies that they asked to join was a Philippino woman who had lived in Tanzania for the last 15 years. Her name was Ludi.
That first night at Small Group, Ludi shared many things with us. She shared about the hardships that she was going through, both emotionally and physically, here and in the Philippines. As far as we knew, Ludi was not a believer.
One of the hardships she was encountering was financial. Most of her family is back in the Philippines and she is their primary support. From what she earns as a seamstress, much of the profit is sent back home. Work had been a bit slow for her and she needed prayer to find more work.
The thought came to me that maybe, somehow, I would be able to tie her into some of the work that I was going to be doing here. I knew that the mission statement for Imara was to "strengthen the body of the church in Tanzania". Here was this woman in my small group that certainly needed strengthening.
To make a long, wonderful story a bit shorter, I'll just give you some highlights.
Ludi now has "almost more business than I can handle" and her monthly income has almost quadrupled. She was able to afford the necessary visa to have her sister come and work with her here in Tanzania.
Three weeks ago at Small Group, Ludi broke down in tears, telling us that she has never known a God like this. She has never known people who would pray for her, love her, encourage her and want to be her friend.
Two weeks ago, Ludi began coming to The Vineyard Church to hear the message. At small group, she is so eager to learn more and more about this God.
Last week, Ludi took her first communion. Throughout this, she is a new person. You can feel a joy in her that was not there before. Her sister, Shaunie, is also coming to small group. She's asking more questions. There is a well of deep hurt there as well.
The Story of Ludi has been a tremendous encouragement to me. Let me explain. I came to Africa to spend some time with God, not to "save lives". I have no ability what-so-ever to save a single persons life. That responsibility falls entirely to the Holy Spirit and God. My desire in coming here was to learn to love God with all my heart. Whatever service I then did for God, however He decided to use me, was a result of that love and that desire to pursue Him earnestly.
Seeing how God uses those who seek Him to bring others to Him, is an amazing sight. Ludi wasn't about thumping a Bible on someones head or preaching or quoting scripture to someone. God used me, God used Pam and Brant, God used the others in our group, to show her a love that she had never seen before in humans. A love that she can only see through the eyes of those who love the Lord because it is a love that we, as mere humans, are completely incapable of having. It's God's love and comes to us through the indwelling of the Spirit (got a bit spiritual there for a minute, so bear with me those of you who follow a different path in life).
It has been such a blessing to watch this process. I love being the conduit through which God works. Sure hope He will use me more.
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